Getting a divorce can be an emotional rollercoaster. Here are eight tips of how to better get through your divorce.
1. Be flexible
Marriage is a give and take and divorce even more so. Inflexibility of either party just puts money in the attorneys’ pocket.
2. Avoid Spending Money On Personal Pleasure
A divorce splits a household in two. That means both spouses may need to go out and buy new furniture and appliances to settle in to a new life. That is not an invitation to go overboard. Be reasonable in your purchases. You can always get something to get by the divorce and step up later. Big purchases just flame the other party and make settling more difficult and costly. The same goes for travel plans. Save that trip for after the divorce.
3. Stop Posting Your Life On Social Media
You may be used to posting your life on Facebook but a divorce is not the time. Even if you block your spouse from seeing your site they will hear of it. The person you think is your friend may be handing your posts to your spouse. Those posts can come back to haunt you as you like the wrong thing or post some simple mistake in fun which will then be turned around and tossed back as the worst parenting error ever at trial. Just don’t live your divorce in social media.
4. Don’t Fight with your spouse verbally over every issue
Everyone gets it that you and your soon to be or already ex-spouse don’t get along. That is why you are divorcing. Set aside your anger when talking with your ex, during settlement discussions, or at court. Anger in these situations only weaken your ability to do what you need to. Clearly present your needs and understand the needs of your family, which includes that ex.
5. Protect Your Children In the Divorce Process
Children by nature believe they are the fault that their parents are divorcing. Don’t feed into that. Never discuss your negative feelings about your children’s other parent with your children. Support your children and show them the love they need. If you need to explain why their parents are divorcing just tell them that you moved apart but both love and support the children as you always will.
6. Relax
The divorce process takes time. Let the process work for you in the long run rather than seeking immediate resolutions of the problems in your marriage. Yes, take care of establishing custody and support terms early on. If you are being abused by your spouse act now. The court can set temporary orders on these issues pending the finalization of your divorce. An experienced divorce attorney can best help you with the court process. Other than temporary support, custody, and abuse issues you should let other things go to be decided later in the divorce process. Living with your soon to be ex while your divorce is pending is difficult. You can resolve it short of a court battle by setting guidelines on the use of the house with your spouse until the decision on who gets the house is resolved finally in the divorce. If you can’t work out an amicable living arrangement then you can file a motion for exclusive use of the house but these can be costly and need reasons better than you just want your soon to be ex out of your life immediately.
7. Get Emotional Counseling
Divorce is one of the major stress points in a life. Looking to your attorney for emotional counseling is not the way to go. Better to seek the advise of a trained emotional support specialist like a psychologist or social worker. They cost less than your attorney and can offer solutions that don’t involve going to court. If you have children your relationship with your spouse will change but most likely not end. The family continues after the divorce with only both parents now separate. You still need to work together as a unit in dealing with your kids. A marriage counselor can help with this process. You and your spouse can meet and discuss the handling of your kids with a marriage counselor to work out solutions to any differences you two may have in child rearing. This can be ongoing even after your divorce is finalized as needed.
8. Communicate With Your Spouse
The irretrievable breakdown of a marriage is often caused by lack of communication of the spouses. While you may not repair the marriage fully you can resolve many divorce related issues by talking together. Find some mutually agreeable safe location to meet and talk together. This can be at a public place, like a restaurant, or your home. Have a written agenda of items you want to discuss. Stay on topic and avoid all anger in the conversation. Just because your spouse is not agreeing with you on what you see is a key point does not mean that he or she may not change later. Make a list of disputed points and agree to discuss these disputed points at a later time. Be sure to set future dates to meet. Write out all agreements so you both understand what was agreed to. Be sure to review any agreement with your attorney before signing off on any agreement. Remember that anything that the parties cannot agree to resolve amicably must be resolved by a third party, being the court. Amicable agreements always work better. You never know. You may even talk out the problems in your marriage and begin together anew. Remember that the person who you married is the same person that you are divorcing. People don’t change so much over time. We just begin to see them differently as the veneer of the new relationship gets further into the past.
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